I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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