Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
