how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
