i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
