I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
