you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
