When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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