Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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