I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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