after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
