I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
