It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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