If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
