well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
