just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
