you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
