I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
