think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
