Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
