He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
