He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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