Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
