She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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