He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
