your parents love me but you hate me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
