I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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