I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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