He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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