Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
