I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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