You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
