So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
