apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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