The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
