WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
