his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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