There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
