i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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