I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
