Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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