Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
