I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
