I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize