he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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