Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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