is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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