I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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