Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
