dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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