So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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