her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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