just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The air was thick with penises
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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