No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize