fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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