Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
