what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
