P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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