Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
