doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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