theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
