So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
