so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
