I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
