theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
