I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
