I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
