I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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