she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
